Cockmunch - the analysis

Hi tis me! Of course it’s me, who else was going to write that. Well it is first day back at work and so reality has had to hit me like a jack hammer. Shame really the week out of touch has been wonderful! Not least of all of the good things that happened was that my healing Paladin reached her lich king stripes, the Kingslayer title is not Trizzie’s, and boy is she proud! Trizzie was formally a tank before I re-specked her; gave her some nice clothes and decided that in the interest of the guild my talents would best lay in that field. I also levelled my druid up to 80, now I don’t pug but I was being lazy and decided that I would take the easy ride of dungeons and pugs. I will call this an experiment of some kind, here are my observations – I shall refer to my druid as Subject X, the tank is Subject A, the healer is Subject B and the two other DPS I shall include in my subtext of Subject X. Subject X is level 76, like everyone around that level that has played before they know what gear to get for the level. Subject X has got things from quests, has a few enchantments and the right things for the level. Subject B, being a level 75 healer does what I consider a great job of keeping everyone alive. No wipes, no death, no nothing. Subject A, has been replaced, the previous left or was kicked. I cannot remember but he is replaced, in the way that all expendables are in war. Subject A is now improved and is level 77, he is what I like to call the “cockmunch.” Allow me to explain this phenomenon known only in the world of “never been told to shut the hell up before”. Subject A, level 77 now has access to Cataclysm (or as I call it easycraft) gear and has probably got them off his guildies (I cannot bring myself to say friends), or an alt. Well that’s cool, you uber op your character and spam the old dungeons. You don’t need the gear but the JP’s are a head start etc etc… So we set out on our merry way, Subject A assumes the position and surprise buttsex is committed on pretty much everything there. He is a DK with 4k damage, threat and blitzes it. Nice right? Yeah two things… Subject B is not allowed a mana break, is expected to run along as the whirling dervish of Subject A continues. Subject X? Well let’s just say as a collective on the spawning dish they barely get the creatures down before the next fight starts. Subject A finishes his run of glory and leaves with the parting gold of the “Cockmunch” – ‘your dps was shit guys’. He is gone before the rest of the experiment is given a chance to look at the situation or in one case allow him to get to the boss before the fight ended. Let me explain Cockmunch – Cockmunch has one thing in his life, WOW. He (and she of course) refer to themselves as “pro” they consider the rest of them as “noob” and anyone that outperforms them is “op geared” or some other excuse I care not to bother listing. Cockmunch has also listed himself as the one to tell you how to play the game, obviously everyone but Cockmunch cannot enjoy it because the selfish little charlatan of life has decided he rocks. (Watch the South Park episode to know what these people look like!) So the rest of us chuckle at Subject A, wish each other luck and head off. My conclusion to the experiment? Cockmuncher’s really do munch on cock’s, their own. They sit in their little room with their little toys and an orgasm to them is being the best in a random pug or battleground. I must commend them, they have truly helped the selective breeding process, they have in effect by being jerks in their room on a pc 24/7 removed themselves from the breeding pool. Ta da! Archard